If you’re a brown woman, who’s past her twenties, and have relatives asking “When you getting married?”, RAISE YOUR HANDS AND SAY “HeeeeEEEEEyyyyYYYYY!”
I think the true test for any Indian woman is this- wading through questions relating to marriage and coming out completely unscathed. Board Exams? GATE? GRE? CLAT? Pssssssshhhhhhhh, I’ve passed every variation of “When you getting married?” the moment I turned 21, so throw me my gold trophies already.
In late 2016, one of my best friends, DJ, who I’ve known for 18 years, got engaged. Of course, we screamed, popped bottles, cried, hugged, sniffled, and covered everything that was needed to be covered when your “bff4ever” gets engaged. We always knew she would be the first one to snatch the diamond, so knowing we were right just made us feel even better.
But it didn’t…….hit us. Yet. It didn’t fully register into our heads that DJ, our best friend, will soon be walking down the aisle, saying “I do”, and become a “Mrs.”. It was as though she announced her going on vacation, or getting a job, or something less horrifying than a wedding, no doubt. Ah well, there’s a full year left, is what we thought while decidedly ignoring the surreal news, while looking forward to the bachelorette party.
Speaking of the bachelorette party, yes, to put it short, it was every bit as crazy as a bachelorette party should be. The dares, the dancing, the drinking, (me trying to tame my hair the entire night), getting high, we did it all. Needless to say, she was happy. As happy a woman can be in fluffy handcuffs, blowing on a penis-shaped cake while giving out free lap-dances. Sounds about fun.
Throughout the engagement and the bachelorette, we were still oblivious to the fact that one of us will, officially, enter another important phase of Adulting. We were just happy for more reasons to dress up and partayyyyyyyyyy!
It hit us, 50%, a few days before the wedding, and I remember texting another friend, S, about it and freaking out. And finally, the moment she said “I do”, the nail was hammered into our heads.
For my friend S, the wedding did nothing but instigate the shade thrown her way by her mother, which was hilarious. “See? Even your friend got some sense knocked into her and she’s getting married! I think it’s time for you to try it out, eh?” Oh my god, Aunty talking like marriage is this dress that needs to be tried out.
Meanwhile, here’s what was going on inside my head: Why was I cringeing and going against this whole concept? I mean, it is natural, right? Why was every fibre of my being, right to my core, going against this entire situation? I thought hard…….. and then it clicked.
Being born a woman in India involves fighting the society every single day. Since society deems that a marriage of a woman in her 20s is the “usual route to go”, modern feminists like me, find it irksome. Every mention of it is annoying. What’s worse is the stupid ideology instilled in the brains of our relatives (especially brown aunties) that the moment we enter our twenties, it’s high time we snatch a man and pop out babies. So, I’m guessing, this rebellion that we feel is because of all of this, and the fact that we grew up thinking that this was the right path to take once you’re older. Kind of like “this is what must be done”. And as we grew up, we realized that all of that was just pish-posh old lady talk and we could do whatever we wanted.
Therefore, when you learn that your friend is getting married, you feel happy and irked at the same time, happy for your friend, and irked because the nuisance of society is everywhere, like a shadow.
So, that was my analysis. Moving on to lighter matters, here are some pictures from the bachelorette and the wedding. You may gaze in wonder at my beauty (Red dress- bachelorette; Blue dress-wedding. Oh hell, the only one with curly hair)
The bachelorette was split into two parties: Party #1 was at Whitefield Socials (in Whitefield, Bangalore), where we made her wear a chart paper cut-out of a dress with a bunch of dares that she had to do, for example: ask a stranger to buy you a drink, stop the DJ and announce to the whole crowd that you’re getting married, etc., which was hella fun.
Party #2 was a friend’s place where we continued our festivities throughout the night, up until the early hours of the morning.
The Wedding took place at Our Lady of Lourdes church (in Ulsoor, Bangalore) which was a traditional affair, while the reception was at Taj Vivanta (in MG Road) which was a grand one, with a lot of wine and dancing!
Until next time,