Another step, come on.
Placing her right foot in front of her left, she breathed heavily, shifting the huge boulder between her shoulder blades.
She could see it, the destination, her final stop, but she noticed an unusual thing. For every step that she took, it seemed to move a bit further away from the previous spot. Maybe it’s the stress of the task, or the strain in her eyes. In fact, she was hoping that it was only the strain causing her to imagine the movement.
Because if it really was moving away, she’d give up.
Sigh. Who am I kidding? Of course I won’t.
She’d only think about giving up. There was something weirdly satisfying when the mind goes into the forbidden place, a region filled with dark, hopeless thoughts. It’s a bittersweet experience, but it entices us nonetheless, with it’s visions and words.
I can’t afford to give up. Because if I did –
Everyone dives into this void, whether knowingly or unknowingly. Some skim the surface, while others touch the floor. But the difference lies in whether we swim back up to the surface or continue to lie face-down on the floor.
– I’d only be letting myself down.
Wearily, she glanced down to see her dragging feet smearing blood all over the path, as if she was painting the ground with grotesquely shaped footprints.
Well, at least they’ll know where to find me.
She had long passed the point of shattering, with pieces of herself crumbling all around her, floating away and disappearing into nothing. She knew this would happen, she was prepared, oh yes, she had been prepared the day that she decided to carry it.
It, the boulder on her back. Funny thing, how a tiny little pebble could grow so big in size. She knew this too, but if truth be told, she didn’t realize it would get THIS big. She was amazed by the sheer enormity of the mission, but what surprised her was that with every inch that the rock grew, her will and resilience doubled in power. And for that, she was grateful to herself.
As long as you don’t break first.
That was the trick. As long as she didn’t break, or disappear, before the boulder did, she’d be fine. And she knew that she would get there. She had numerous cracks all over her face and her body, but she held it all together and kept going.
There was a tiny crack overhead and when she looked up, her eyes were greeted with dust. Through the haze she could see a thin line beginning to split the boulder slowly but steadily.
Do it for you.
Step by step.
Do it for me.
One foot in front of the other.
I’ll shatter you before you shatter me.
Others in the SOUJOURNS series: