WARNING: If you’re having a nice day, I suggest you skip on right over to another post. Or wait! Stay. That’s right. Stay right where you are and let me ruin it for you.
*rolls out of bed, smoking a cigar and pours vodka into coffee*
Let me get straight to the point. I’m not even going to waste my time with a smile and some stupid pleasantries. It’s simple: I ain’t even in the mood to smile and be nice.
I don’t care about you, about the world, or about any damn thing. Look, I know, I am a bright ray of sunshine most of the time, but today? NAH. Today, I’m taking over
Satan’s throne and commanding my thoughts to swirl out of the deep dark void of UGLY.
Why, you ask? Because I WANT to.
*punches a unicorn in the face*
I’m just so tired of so much positivity and niceness all around, that I’m starting to feel bored and my inner evil is beginning to show. I’ve kept the little thing under control for the last few days that I’m beginning to miss it.
I should let it out before I turn into jelly.
Every cloud has a silver lining? That’s not even the right shade of silver that I’m looking for? It’s more grey than silver. And this silver looks like a dirty mush.
There’s a rainbow after every rain? I prefer the rain, thank you very much. Makes it easier to commit a murder, without having to wipe out any fingerprints.
A toy with every happy meal? Good, make the kids fatter so I can carry on with my sacrifices to the dark lord without any interruptions.
*Steps on a kid’s sandcastle*
Let me just lean back and laugh at all the stupid things everyone does. There’s just too much, I could never run out of this. Oh, I’m not going to start with any negative
comments and talking behind backs, oh no, I’d never stoop to that annoying level. I’ll just laugh at you, in your face, and call you an idiot very loudly. That seems more appropriate.
The point is…….there’s no point. I’m just letting my inner Satan out for a stroll. Why should there always be a point? The tip of my tail is pointy, so that should
do. There’s your point.
Let me just ignore everything that you say, and I won’t even pretend to care, just to piss you off. The face you make when you realize that I don’t care is absolutely flawless.
I’m not even going to bother about your problems, when my problem is finding the perfect gesture to let you know that I don’t care about your problems.
Is there a limit to stupidity? I hope there isn’t. I’ve still got a lot of laughing left to do.
Oh please, do continue to trip and fall flat on your face while I record every damn thing. Step on a lego. Lose all your files and papers. Forget your WiFi password. Fart in the middle of a meeting. Find no bacon in your burger.
No-one’s watching. No-one’s giggling at you.
And if you’re in my place right now, with the exact same thoughts, you’ll know how liberating it is.
Tempting, isn’t it?
Don’t worry, Satan’s done talking. Satan’s going back inside. But before he disappears, there’s one little thing he’d like to say:
Have a little fun, won’t you?