So, I don’t do a lot of self-assessment, because a) I love myself too much to even justify myself to, well, myself for all my actions and b) Half the time, I don’t even know what I’m doing. Honestly, I just say or do whatever that goes with the flow (Talk about #NoFilter)
Therefore, because of the aforementioned reasons, I don’t sit down by myself at the end of the day and think about what I’ve done and feel happy/angry/sad for myself for more than 10 minutes. That’s right, I allocate only 10 minutes a day to let whatever I’ve kept at bay to hit me. To be specific, 10 for the positive, and only 5 for the negative. And once I’m done, I move on. Can’t waste time because I’m too busy hustlin’.
I have these rare moments when I’m immensely proud of myself. You’d think, as someone who is self-obsessed, I’d be proud of myself at every chance that I’ve got. Well, no. I mean, when I do things and other people tell me that I must feel proud, I only feel happy, not proud, because I know my limits, and I know I can do/push harder. But there are moments when I’m bursting with pride. Let me give you 2 instances from this week as well as the last:
- So, as you guys know it was my birthday last Thursday. After the festivities, we went to this burger joint to eat something. And I saw one of my ex-best friends. I’ve spoken about him on Wasted Goodbyes, if you want to check it out. Things were just too messy between us, too many unsaid words, a very bad fallout. I sit down, and there he was, that jerk, sitting right opposite me. I’m sure he’d seen me, but apparently his phone was really interesting. He didn’t look up the whole time I was there while I kept sneaking looks at him. Funny thing, I’ve always had this plan, like if I ever met him somewhere, I’d go up to him, tell a kick-ass dialogue to embarass him in front of whoever he was with. That particular thought had crossed my mind. Then I had a crazy idea to simply go over and say hi. Or, maybe just wave at him. And then another one, I could probably call him aside, and just talk and patch things up. Buuuuuuuut I did none of the above. Nothing. I simply ignored him. For the first time in my life, I didn’t confront someone who had hurt me. I just left it and ate my burger.In fact, I originally planned on posting about this situation titled “Backspace” but nuh-uh! You know I ain’t about that life! And you wouldn’t believe the relief I felt, that feeling when you mind your own business and JUST NOT BOTHER. Wow. I didn’t know I was capable of that. So PAT PAT PAT!
- Ah this one’s pretty cool. So, we’ve been having the HOTTEST summer ever! Plus, it’s my last week of the semester, so I’ve been dying with assignments and quizzes and what-not. Plus, I come home really late. AND, I workout. AND I’m on a diet. Basically, I’m tired. And I’ve been getting real lazy and having thoughts about why I should even bother with exercising, and I was generally not feeling very motivated. BUUUUUUUUUT, I got a grip on myself, wore my shoes and went running. Every single time the whole of last week, and this week, whenever these negative thoughts kept coming up, I just yell at myself and go workout. And I was like “Did I just UN-LAZY myself? How did I even do that?!” which just goes to show that I can give myself another PAT PAT PAT!
It feels so good to finally acknowledge this, and put into words too! I mean, it’s been quite some time since I last felt proud of myself, the last time being about 3/4 months back. It’s like a cool glass of lemonade. Just so fresh and exhilarating! 😀
Any proud moments for you guys? Whether big or small, let me know because I’d like to hear them and cheer you nerds on! 🙂