Why I would be the World’s Worst Parent.

Hey guys!

So, I was pretty bored and I was doing some thinking about the most random things life has to offer, and then, quite suddenly, as I was watching my Mom harping on about something that I clearly didn’t do, I visualized myself, as a parent, and what kind of a Mother I’d be. Other than the minor heart palpitations that this thought invoked, I was too busy cracking up at the thought of what a wacky parent I’d make!

I’ve compiled a list of reasons as to why I would be the World’s Worst Parent-

  1. Kids: “Mom, there’s a big spider in my bathroom”

Ok, first of all, those 8-legged monstrosities take the #1 spot in “Things I’d nuke if I ever turn into God”, and secondly, I don’t believe in the concept of “facing your worst fears to get stronger”. How about you ask Dad, c’mon now. What? Dad’s wussed out too? Well, kids, you’re on your own. It’s part of growing up. Go figure something out. Mama is so proud of you. Live long and prosper.

2. Kids: “Mom, are ghosts and monsters real?”

Hahahah NO, they aren’t! *whispers* That’s what they want you to believe. *and then I’d proceed to scare them in every way possible*

3. I’d give the most weirdly vivid and graphically violent answers for everything, for example,

Kids: “Why can’t we eat ice-cream before dinner?”

Because Satan hates ice-cream and he wouldn’t accept you guys as sacrifices.

Kids: “Where do babies come from?”

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

Kids: “why does my tummy hurt?”

It’s probably worms eating your stomach up. They’re going to start on your face soon if you don’t listen to Mommy.

and with the most frequent answer being, “Because I said so”

4. I’m very competitive when it comes to games, whether outdoor or board games, and I wouldn’t lose just “to make my kids happy because they’re my kids”. I’d be more of a tough-love mommy, with bragging rights that may last for days, if not forever.

“Any last words before you die?”

Yeah *turns to whole family* Remember when I beat all of you at Mariokart?

5. I’d blame the kids for almost everything.

“So, you’re telling me that the baby, who’s just 6 months old, ate the entire packet of potato chips?”

Yup. I just left her for one second and when I got back, it was gone! How crazy is that?!

6. I’d give them them the funniest nicknames while in public, referring to them as gremlins, but most preferably my minions, while talking to them with an evil-/mad-scientist vibe.

Minion 1! Where’s my offering?!

“Uh, do you mean the baby..?”

BRING IT TO ME!

Well, these are just 5 reasons off the top of my head, but completely legit as to why I’d suck at parenting. But on the other hand, I’m sure I’d be a fun Mom, when I’m not being a total weirdo. Hear hear.

On another note-

I thought it’d be fun to kick this off as a challenge kind of thing! Let’s call this the “The World’s Worst”, and you fill in with what you think you would be horrible at! But take it as a light, fun kind of a challenge, not anything serious! For example, you could tell us why you’d be the world’s worst baguette? World’s worst pack of chips? ANYTHING.

Here are the rules:

  1. I live on credits, so please, when you take this up, do link back to my page, to this particular post, and mention how amazingly awesome I am 😉
  2. No particular logo, but if you do happen to make an awesome one, I’d be grateful and I’ll give you a cookie, eh?:D
  3. Nominate whomever you want to, and how many ever bloggers you’d like. It’s a free country…erm, website.
  4. Once nominated, thank your nominee, because you’re one grateful bitch.
  5. DON’T FORGET TO LINK BACK TO MY PAGE. Attention-seeker here.
  6. Have fun writing! I’m looking forward to reading all the posts and laugh my head off!

So, to start off, I now nominate my blogger twinnie Alex, of Whitecaps fame. Now she’s morally obligated to do this challenge, whatever come may, but any of you guys can start this off, no problem-o!

Put your thinking caps on, and GET FUNNY!

Cheers,

WBG :)x

 

 

 

 

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63 thoughts on “Why I would be the World’s Worst Parent.

  1. Elsie's Borderline Personality Journey says:

    It’s like with my niece, she’s nearly three. “Auntie Lindsey I can’t find my [insert dirty, smelly toy here]” Elsie – “I put him in the dustbin.” This was, of course, a joke…not to a three year old! I look back and wonder how I ever qualified as a Primary School Teacher!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Elsie's Borderline Personality Journey says:

    If you get a chance, Google Russell Howard ‘The Dinner Witch’. He’s a stand up comedian and this is exactly what I would do at Halloween to my children!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Alicia says:

    This is so funny! I know I wouldn’t be a great mom because I need too much “me” time. When my dogs get to be a handful and I need an hour or two to myself, I lock them in their crates. I’ve been told you can’t do that to little kids – not even if you put a blanket over the crate before you leave!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. vrushali21 says:

    Haha..I read all your posts since what April! I’m not a psycho stalker, I can promise that! It’s just that you’re insanely hilarious. And a Grammar Nazy like me! eeekk!
    Waiting for more to read from you and thanks for the follow! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  5. LG says:

    I have a tween daughter and am an awful mother, going by all your above points (esp point 1) The kid seems to have turned out reasonably ok (see valarvox dot wordpress dot com, for proof) – at least she does not go about eating broken glass on full moon days. All we can conclude is that humanity survives, despite mothers.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Aadhya says:

    I swear!😂😂
    I can imagine myself as a mom like this:
    Kids: mom, please explain me this para in my school textbook
    Me : umm can’t you see I’m into a novel right now, ask your dad, kid!
    🙈 and that would actually be my reply to almost all situations! Yeahh go daddy!

    Liked by 1 person

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