To fear is human.
Some nights, an unexplainable feeling crashes into me, going deep inside every part of my body, my heart, my mind, right down to the very core of me. And then follows the overwhelming feeling, so overwhelming that I feel the prickling of tears which begin to fill my eyes. It was later that I began to associate this with Fear.
Fear that I will never be good enough. Fear that my dreams will never become a reality. Fear that I will never be happy. Fear that I’ll end up alone. Fear that I will live my life unloved. Fear that I will never inspire anyone. Fear that I will never get to see the world. Fear that I will never get to do what I love. Fear that I will give up. Fear that I will never start in the first place. Fear that I will never be strong. Fear that things will start to unravel for the worst. Fear that I’ll have nobody to carry me. Fear that I will never be understood.
Fear that I will stop, just like that.
Oh it’s easy to say things like “It’ll pass” or “Cast it aside”., well let me tell you something. You can’t. These Fears aren’t your ordinary fears. They stem from some of the worst demons that reside within a person’s mind, like self-doubt, anxiety, depression, etc. To battle them is to either let them win or you win. And for you to win, you need to let that overwhelming feeling, that which makes you feel like you’re drowning, wash over you completely and change you, for the better. It will leave you whimpering at the end.
In other words, it’s going to suck.
And what do I do? Well, I cry. And that seemingly makes me feel better.
I fear for the coming pain and happiness, but I don’t let it control me. I allow it to take just a tiny bite off my thoughts, and that’s it.
But hey, you keep going. You cry, you wake up, you face yourself and you put one foot in front of the other and you keep fighting.
You fight every single second.
Keep fighting 🙂