Fearing the demons inside my head

Red Riding Hood:

To fear is human.

Some nights, an unexplainable feeling crashes into me, going deep inside every part of my body, my heart, my mind, right down to the very core of me. And then follows the overwhelming feeling, so overwhelming that I feel the prickling of tears which begin to fill my eyes. It was later that I began to associate this with Fear.

Fear that I will never be good enough. Fear that my dreams will never become a reality. Fear that I will never be happy. Fear that I’ll end up alone. Fear that I will live my life unloved. Fear that I will never inspire anyone. Fear that I will never get to see the world. Fear that I will never get to do what I love. Fear that I will give up. Fear that I will never start in the first place. Fear that I will never be strong. Fear that things will start to unravel for the worst. Fear that I’ll have nobody to carry me. Fear that I will never be understood.

Fear that I will stop, just like that.

Oh it’s easy to say things like “It’ll pass” or “Cast it aside”., well let me tell you something. You can’t. These Fears aren’t your ordinary fears. They stem from some of the worst demons that reside within a person’s mind, like self-doubt, anxiety, depression, etc. To battle them is to either let them win or you win. And for you to win, you need to let that overwhelming feeling, that which makes you feel like you’re drowning, wash over you completely and change you, for the better. It will leave you whimpering at the end.

In other words, it’s going to suck.

And what do I do? Well, I cry. And that seemingly makes me feel better.

I fear for the coming pain and happiness, but I don’t let it control me. I allow it to take just a tiny bite off my thoughts, and that’s it.

But hey, you keep going. You cry, you wake up, you face yourself and you put one foot in front of the other and you keep fighting.

You fight every single second.

Keep fighting 🙂

WBG :)x

Advertisements

34 thoughts on “Fearing the demons inside my head

  1. AmyRose🌹 says:

    Wow! I thought you were writing about me. Powerful and honest post! One way I chase the fears away, I deliberately start thanking God for this day when I awake that is filled with beauty and wonder. I keep that Gratitude in my Heart all day. Bless you for your willingness to put yourself out there. Not easy to do. It’s easier to hide. Much Love, Amy ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ankur says:

    Its the fighting everyday that takes the toll. Everyday is a new battle where you just want it end, just hoping that giving in would end it. But it doesnt, giving in only makes it go on for longer. But you always need to survive to fight another day.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. tentninja says:

    Beautiful words. The worst fear of all is the fear of fear. We have this expectation of ourselves that we must have the perfect personality and we must have it now. But that isnt how it works. We are not perfect.

    My favourite saying at the moment is:
    “The wise know themselves to be fools, and fools think themselves wise.”

    This is another way of saying that we are all fools, and we all have to deal with this existential crisis. Its the acceptance of the realisation that we are here to learn that is important. So allow yourself to feel, allow yourself to cry, allow yourself to learn and allow yourself to grow 🙂 but most importantly push on. Move forward, and only forward. Great things await us in the end 🙂

    Thank you for sharing this. I find lessons in the words of strangers.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Gryffindor Queen says:

      Thanks for that. Your interpretation of this post is as close as it can get, to what some of us feel. Thanks for stopping by, and it’s true what you just said- you really do find lessons in the words of a stranger, and I think I just did 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s