Wasted Goodbyes.

Back when I was young, around ten to eleven years old, I asked my mom who her closest friends were, and among them, who her best friend was. I vaguely remember her going on about so many people but what I remember clearly was her answer when I asked her if she knew what each of them were doing and where they were. Her answer was “I wish I knew.”

That got me thinking. Do adults not have friends? Are they so busy doing adult stuff that they don’t make any friends? Oh boy, that worried me. It was right then and there that I promised myself that I wouldn’t be THAT person, who grew up forgetting their friends. The one who ends up being a busy adult, no way! I went back to school the next day and our whole group, the 13 of us, made that promise that we would forever keep in touch.

And 5 years after high school, I’m glad to say we’re still together! We make sure we meet up atleast once in two/three months and when we meet, we fall back into our old pattern. It’s a blessing, really.

And then there are exceptions. Those friends that I’ve had to let go due to some reason, and those who let go of me. There were quite many, and every time, every single time, when I felt it go wrong, I kept thinking of the promise that I made to myself when I was eleven, and I clung on. I did my best to make it right and reach out but either because of the circumstances or that the person themselves didn’t really care anymore, it didn’t work out.

I tried again a few years later, getting in touch with them and seeing what’s up with them, when it hit me. It felt different. The whole exchange felt new and wrong and that’s when I realized that it’s never going to be the same anymore. It was a sad realization, but I was happy because I found the reason to stop going after them. In fact, last week I said goodbye to one of my very close high school friend. I was very close to him but he ended up trusting the words of other people and not mine, despite everything I’ve done for him. I still try getting in touch with him once in every few months but honestly, I got tired. Really tired. And that’s when I decided that I needed to break my promise.

But my promise is flexible, you see. The beauty of friendship is that, when the old ones go, new ones take their place. Not necessarily filling up the gaping holes left behind, but rather, covering them up with their own beauty. It’s a beautiful thing. And as I grew older, I realized that I had to tweak the promise sometimes. Find the ones worth keeping the promise for.

People change, they move on and you can’t really blame them. I did my part, wholeheartedly, and I’m happy. With this realization, I achieved another level of calm serenity to bring down some turmoil within me.

I’m thankful for the ones who stayed, and to them I still keep my promise.

And to the ones who left, I give you a wasted goodbye, because what’s a goodbye when nothing ever really mattered in the first place?

WBG :)x

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48 thoughts on “Wasted Goodbyes.

  1. faatimaishere says:

    This was a much needed read for me. I’ve realised that I’ve had to drop a lot of friendships in my time and sometimes I feel as if I’m pushing people away. Definitely would be nice to have a lasting friendship, when I know it’s worth it that will be my intention from here onwards.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Elusive Trope says:

    Much wisdom in this post. I have unfortunately over the years had the modus operandi to just disappear on people, a nomad who never allowed myself to get close to people. Now I am trying to become more like you, which as you point out is a question of balance.

    Liked by 1 person

    • gryffindorqueen says:

      I get that, you’re the type who is never held down by anyone. It’s not a bad thing, really, you’re a free spirit, but it all comes down to a basic human instinct, the need for someone, a friend, a family. As a person who has lost and gained quite a few friends the past few years, things get sucky sometimes, but it’s always worth it in the end. You’ll know 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Matt Melo says:

    Lovely post. It’s really sad when I see someone I used to be friends with after a long time and realise that I don’t know anything about them anymore. It makes me wonder if I ever knew them at all. But we have to be grateful for the people who do stay in our lives. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. rebbit7 says:

    I can relate. It’s been several years since high school, and while I still remain close to some friends, others have either dropped off or just don’t click anymore. It’s sad, but it happens. But you still make more friends throughout college and at work! Even if you don’t hang out everyday, due to busy lives, you always appreciate the moments when you do get together, and that’s what makes being friends special. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Valentin says:

    That’s touching in many ways, girl. However, I don’t share your conclusion.
    How do you know it’s wasted if you haven’t seen the very end of the story?
    Every bit of life is precious (and I reckon you agree on that), and so is people who shared bits of their lives with us. The fact they don’t remain there doesn’t delete their two cents.
    ‘Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.’

    Liked by 1 person

    • gryffindorqueen says:

      The end can go in two ways: either you part on good terms, mutually, or it was too disastrous and beyond repair. Now, the latter can be made OK if you’re willing to forgive and look past it, right? The conclusion was from my POV, my experience, not a general one. And I still have to go quite some way to reach the point of “smile bc it happened” and hopefully, it happens soon and then I’ll share your conclusion. Cheers!

      Like

  6. mön says:

    I had to let go of two of my closest friends a few years ago. Or rather they let go of me and I had to accept that and let it go. These are really painful situations, but what matters in the end is the people who stay in your live; who stay because they want to, not just because you want them to.
    Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. candicerenee says:

    Another great post! I believe everyone can relate to this since it happens everyday. I am 26 years old and I’ve had my fair share of friendships that couldn’t last longer than a manicure lol. Since college is long gone, I have my small circle that I love to death. People need to realize, especially young adults, is that the amount of friends you have do not define you. It’s the ‘quality’ of those friends that they need to look deeper into.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. LG says:

    I understand that technically you are an “adult” now and that your question “Do adults have friends?” is rhetoric. Still, being a couple of decades older (not wiser), I would like to weigh in. Yes we do. And the friends become more important as we age. But for my two best friends from kindergarten (40 years of friendship this year), I’d be on prozac, given the curve balls life has been throwing at me.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Melinda Kucsera says:

    “And to the ones who left, I give you a wasted goodbye, because what’s a goodbye when nothing ever really mattered in the first place?” I’ve wondered that myself and found myself in similar situations. You’re lucky some of your friendships have lasted that long. All my closests friends abandoned me by age 11. They taught me a painful lesson about life. That there are people out there who prefer status, wealth, “coolness” over a good friend who’s always got their back and you know what? That’s okay. I don’t need such shallow people in my life. I admire you for going the extra distance and trying to keep friendships going. I don’t anymore. I got burned so many times that now I live and let live. If they want to talk or hang, it’s on them to reach out. I’m through calling when their kids are in the middle of a fight and getting the cold shoulder. I have my cousins and we’re really close. That’s enough for me.

    Liked by 1 person

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