Not-So-Proud Moments.

Generally, I’m a happy person. Not one of those annoying “Unicorns-cupcakes-and-I-fart-rainbows” type. I’m more like “Hey-it’s-gonna-be-cool-homie” type. I tend to see the bright side in EVERY situation. I try my best to do that! So, you could say, I’m a pretty positive person. No, not an optimist, but rather an opportunist! I don’t see the glass as half-full, because I’m too busy checking to see if it’s tequila. To summarize, I’m a positive-happy person. Like a unicorn, that’s pretty high. Yep.

Now, some people, SOME, they confuse “being HAPPY” with “being NICE”. Now, those are two VERY different things. For example, last week, I said some things and one of my friends reacted saying “Dayuuuuuum. I thought you were supposed to be nice!”. I asked him as to why he would think that, to which he replied, saying, “That’s because you’re all smiling and shit and you bounce around all the time”

Like, BRUH.

I can be happy AND NOT be nice! Those two things don’t correlate, AT ALL! If they ever do, then that person, who is both nice and happy, is probably some sorta miracle-angel kinda thing. Doesn’t exist, my friend.

Ok, now that you’ve got some understanding about my mental state and where I stand on the happiness scale, let me get to the actual post.

See, I can be mean. Not in an obvious way like, simply put, a bitch. But, rather, in a more subtle manner. It’s like I can manipulate the way the situation occurs, only to end up with a teensy drop of guilt inside. I’ve never had regrets in life, but I do have my Not-So-Proud moments. I have two of those and here they are:

  1. So, I had this friend whose dad was a 50% alcoholic. He wasn’t a terrible addict, but he did drink a lot, and when he did, he used to beat up his mom and his brother and also, beat him. He’s been my friend for around 2 years, but he opened up about this particular problem only a year later to me. One day, he just sprung this up out of nowhere and all I could say was, get this, “Oh. It’s OK. Why don’t you run away from home then?” Like, BRAIN, WTF? Fortunately, he laughed, taking it as a joke. But that’s not the worst part! After my sageful advice, I tried changing the topic. He was practically blurting out his problems and all I could think was “Oh my God, when will he stop? What do I say?”. I AM SUCH A BAD PERSON. I EVEN HAD TO AVOID ROLLING MY EYES COZ I WAS BORED. In my defense, I’ve never had friends with issues in school. All of us were pretty normal with a happy upbringing, hence, I had no idea how to deal with people who have issues of this sort. I wish I did, I could’ve helped him out more but I didn’t. I was at a loss.
  2. Back in my uni, I had this very close friend. We used to have SO MUCH FUN together! Playing pranks, cracking dirty jokes, you know the drill. One day, he comes up to me, and he asks me out. You know what I did? I burst out laughing. I burst out laughing on his face. I laughed not because I found him unattractive or something stupid like that, hell no, I laughed because my close friend just asked me out. In my defense, I thought it was a prank, and a good one at that! And this boy, who never gets attached or sappy with people, just confessed his feelings, after like 2 months of preparation, and what did I do?! I LAUGHED. Worse yet, I said No to him. I didn’t like him in THAT way, but I could’ve said No and made him understand the whole situation. Oh no siree, all I did was laugh and punch him and say “dude worst idea ever” and poor thing just stood there like “…………………”  Then I kind of avoided him for a few months. Eek. I know. It was horrible of me to do that.

From what I understand, I’ve diagnosed the following:

  1. I’m scared to get too attached.
  2. I get scared when people open up to me.
  3. I laugh away my feelings instead of dealing with them

Maybe, I don’t know how to deal with people. Yep, that sounds about right! It kind of sucks, because I do want people to confide in me, seek my advice, and I do want to listen, trust me, I do. But something inside me grumbles and goes “I’m too cool for this shit”

How do I become a nice person?



23 thoughts on “Not-So-Proud Moments.

  1. lifelaughsandchaos says:

    What you are describing is not so uncommon, it is pretty common for people on the autism spectrum for example (that runs in my family), and like you, many believe it is an advantage to not be ruled by emotions. I am quite an emotional person, but my partner is a lot like you describe and it does cause problems in our relationship as he can come across as quite cold and I find that hurtful. We have to meet half way, he has to understand other people do feel more deeply and are affected by it, and I have to understand he doesn’t really relate but cares enough to try to see where I am coming from, for the sake of our relationship. We all have our challenges, they just differ from person to person.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. aliceandembo says:

    It’s because you like fun and happy too much that being with problems and people who are sad makes you uneasy. Going out of our comfort zone to help others is always hard…at first but then you will realize that it makes your world bigger and so positive that it goes back to you a hundred times over, that is why people help people because the great feeling that comes back to them goes beyond other good feelings they get elsewhere. We just have to make that first step. Hope you do! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • gryffindorqueen says:

      Thank you for that 🙂 because since these 2 situations, I’ve tried my level best to ACTUALLY listen 🙂 and the uneasiness is going away, little by little. The thing is, I do love helping people, but not with major issues and such. Its alright now. I just had to get that off my chest. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s