Dragons, Blood, Boobs and VALAR MORGHULIS!

DealWithItRachchr

Hey guys!:)

Since the world’s most epic show is returning to us with a new season this April, I thought it would be a really cool idea to pay homage (blogage?) in tribute to the incomparable, mind-blowing show ever, Game of Thrones!

Warning! (not exactly) : This is in regard to the HBO series “Game of Thrones” and in no way pertaining to the book series “A Song of Ice and Fire”. Although being a self- proclaimed book whore, I haven’t read the ASOIAF series yet. I will, soon. Ok, maybe. Fine! I’m not sure that I will because I’m already in too deep with the tv series and there’s no way I’m capable of backtracking up now! I mean come on! Do you honestly want me to relive all the gruesome deaths and the weird sex scenes? Nuh-uh.

Warning#2! : No noble character was sacrificed during the making of this blog, which is saying a lot since if there’s book, paper and George.R.R.Martin involved, there’s going to be blood and intestines tied together in holy matrimony.

See what I did there? 😉 You geeks will get it!(hint: The Red Wedding)

So, moving on. *epic theme starts playing*

IF I WERE THAT GoT CHARACTER

As we all know, the only advice we need to follow when in Westeros is to STAY ALIVE. No one is safe. No man, no woman, no child, not even the eunuch, and everybody loves the eunuch! :/ It doesn’t matter whether you’re rich or poor, YOUS GONN’ DIE! Also since GRRM loves killing the main characters , a very commendable quality, that pretty much wipes the smug expressions off their faces. So this is what I would do if I were that particular character. Let’s go!

NED STARK: So you’re in King’s Landing, a very dangerous place, surrounded by Lannisters left and right, and you find what could be the dirtiest secret that could take them golden haired lions down, and what do you do? YOU DO NOT SHOOT OFF YOUR MOUTH AND CONFRONT THEM NED! Damn it. If I were you, I would tell Robert immediately. And only Robert. That’s all that was needed. No telling or confronting anyone. Robert’s the damn king, I would probably get like all round protection and everything. Being noble and honourable gets you nowhere in Westeros, it only gets your head rolling. (See that?! I just did it again! :D)

ROBERT BARATHEON: I would give hunting a rest and not drink whatever’s given to me by anyone in that god forsaken kingdom. Oh and lose a few pounds and, oh I don’t know, RULE?!

JON SNOW: SMILE. I have a loving family, who may die any second, so let me smile and be happy as long as that lasts, because that’s what a good son/brother does. What they don’t do is abandon their family in times of trouble and war. Oh no they don’t.

TYRION LANNISTER: This guy’s so cool I wouldn’t change a thing. Except, maybe, poison my dad and my sister when they’re asleep so that I could rule the seven kingdoms and be the coolest king ever! Maybe, hold off on my temper too when I’m being judged.

DAENERYS TARGARYEN: Dragon eggs? Cool! They all hatched? Swe-et! I’m their MOM? Awesome! I don’t need no Dothraki army, nuh-uh. I’m just going to get on Drogo, my strongest dragon, fly to Westeros, burn those mofos one by one and take my place on the throne and rule like I’m supposed to. Probably send a souvenir to Jorah while I’m at it.

ARYA STARK: I guess she’s made the wisest decisions when put into situations so no change. Just keep fighting and be the coolest assassin ever!

JAIME LANNISTER: Maybe just tone down my sass for a minute. Spend more time with my hand than with Cersei.

SANSA STARK: Like all my crushes, this is not going to end well, so let me just ignore him and listen to my father for once.

ROBB STARK: My mom told me not to trust Walder Frey. Hence, I will not trust Walder Frey.

CERSEI LANNISTER: As evil as she is, I do admire the way her mind works (till now that is) so no change. But, yes I will not show favouritism between my kids.

PETYR BAELISH: This is the only guy whose got his head on straight in this world. He knows what to do and when. So, if I were him, I would do whatever he’s doing, no change.

TYWIN LANNISTER: Wear my armour even while taking a poop.

STANNIS BARATHEON: Ser Davos has been on my side for a long time and he’s the only guy I will ever trust. Hence, I will not bang Lady Melisandre just because of that and also, she kind of looks suspicious, so no.

JORAH MORMONT: She’s very very VERY young. Hence, I will take care of her like a father figure and not look like a paedo.

OLENNA TYRELL: Be my sassy and sexy self always.

KHAL DROGO: It’s just a little wound. Must not cry. I’m a MAN HOO-YAH! Maybe just consult a healer or something.

BRANDON STARK: I will listen to my mom since she’s MY MOM.

And finally, saved the best for the last:

OBERYN MARTELL: I SHOULD PROBABLY WEAR THE HELMET. YES, SAFETY FIRST.

And one more:

HODOR: Hodor, hodor hodor hodor hodor. Hodor hodor hodor!

So that’s it people! Hope you found that entertaining 🙂 Irrespective of all the deaths, I love this show. You can never expect what’s going to happen (Well for those of us who haven’t read the book!) and because of this one reason, it is why it’s one of the best shows ever! So for those of you who’re planning to start watching this show, just one advice: Never have a favourite character. Do not fall in love with anyone. If you follow this advice, you’ll be emotionally stable, unlike the rest of us.

And for those of you waiting for Season 5, well all I can say is, GEAR UP! 😀 I’m so excited I just can’t wait! Well, I can’t wait to download the first episode the next day after you lucky Americans get to watch it on the 12th -.- Hmph. I’d rather download because the day they show uncensored scenes on the Indian television, will be the day we turn into a corruption free nation. So, that’s never 🙂

And if I’ve missed out any characters, do comment and let me know 🙂 Or you could complete it for me 🙂

Cheers,

WBG :)x

P.S.: I’m leaving you guys with a very inspirational quote that’s motivated millions of great minds. Here:

hodor

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2 thoughts on “Dragons, Blood, Boobs and VALAR MORGHULIS!

  1. patricksponaugle says:

    I’d like to hear you speak for (or rather, read what you write for) Brienne of Tarth, Podrick Payne, Sam Tarly, and Ser Pounce.

    (Great article, very fun read. Even if you were busting on my boy Ned Stark.)

    Like

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